Emotional Intelligence: 5 Keys to EI Success by Ann Tardy

Emotional Intelligence
The Secret To Your Success
By Ann Tardy

Emotional Intelligence is one of the most important pieces to your success. You are born with your IQ, it does not significantly change over your life. Your EQ however, can change. And with some intentionality, you can significantly improve your emotional intelligence.

IQ is about understanding information.
EQ is about understanding emotions.

My niece is five. She wants what she wants and she will use any tactic to get it. When denied a cookie, she will roll on the ground kicking and screaming and crying. She is not emotionally intelligence right now. Emotional intelligence is a way of recognizing, understanding, and choosing how we think, feel, and act. It shapes our interactions with others and our understanding of ourselves. My niece does not yet know how to recognize, understand, manage, and choose her own emotions.

With emotional intelligence:

· We express and control those emotions
· We understand and interpret others' emotions
· We respond accordingly

There are 4 main things we do with emotions:

1. We perceive emotions–ours and others
2. We reason with emotions
3. We understand emotions
4. We manage emotions

As an example, you go to your boss' office to complain about a decision that was made and you see that she is rather upset and distracted. An emotionally unintelligent person would not perceive this and would charge ahead with the complaint. An emotionally intelligent person would recognize that this is not the best time for having a conversation with your boss.

There are 5 key skills to emotional intelligence:

1. Ability to rapidly reduce stress-how are you managing your own stress?
2. Maintain emotional awareness-being aware of how other things upset you
3. Connecting with nonverbal communication
4. Using humor and play to diffuse situations
5. Resolving conflict positively

There are actions you can take to improve your emotional intelligence:

· Self-awareness–staying aware of your emotions and what triggers them.

· Self-regulation–I use rules to self-regulate. When I'm driving, my rule is to always move to the right for anyone who wants to pass or might be driving like a crazy lunatic. When I want to send an angry email, my rule is to write it and then wait an hour. My next rule is to not send angry emails. I'm not saying we can't be emotional or feel emotions, but what we don't want them to do is govern our actions. We want our commitments to govern our actions. Our commitments include: getting results, meeting objectives, supporting team members, having close friends, making a difference. We can have emotions, but there is a time and a place and a forum for expressing them and it's usually not in the moment as a reaction.

· We can also work on increasing our compassion instead of your judgment. Consider what it must be like to walk in another person's shoes. Then practice your listening skills. Walking to an understanding instead of jumping to a conclusion.

· And finally, improve your communication skills; learning conflict resolutions.

We interact with people every day. How is a matter of choice.